#2

I went back and forth whether or not to write this yesterday, but I decided that I'm going to.  1) because it is SO much easier and faster to type than write in a journal and 2) I don't want to forget big moments like this.  If you know me in real life or on Facebook, please keep this private and don't say anything publicly. 

Yesterday morning I woke up and knew I was probably supposed to start my period.  We stopped preventing pregnancy in November, but between the yeastie beasties, my crazy cycle (that is still out of whack due to me still nursing my toddler), and The Architect's INSANE travel schedule, it hasn't happened yet.  And I have been 100% okay with that!  I am savoring every day I have alone, 1-on-1 with Estella, and I'm intimidated, and kind of down right terrified, on how to handle TWO!  Especially on how to handle a newborn AND a toddler!  There is definitely a part of me that has been worried about the "what if" on a second child isn't in our cards due to several friends that are struggling with infertility after have a child or two without issues, I'm not getting any younger (I'll be 35 this summer) and The Architect isn't getting any younger either!  And I want a second child 99% because I want Estella to have a sibling.  The other 1% is completely selfish, because I want to experience pregnancy and labor and birth again.  And I want more years of breastfeeding - and now that I (think) I know more, try it again with some experience under my belt.

So this past month was another month of craziness.  As of day 17 of my cycle, I hadn't ovulated yet, but by day 21 I had - and if this month was like the last several, I ovulated day 19ish.  And with a 29 day cycle, that puts my luteal phase really short, and less likely for conception.  Add to that, because I am still nursing, I have had little to no cervical fluid AT ALL.  Combine with with only being able to have sex 4 and 5 days before when I think I ovulated, which is pretty far out, because my hubby was out of town that week.

So…I figured it was another month that the timing just wasn't right, and that was ok.  In looking ahead to April, I saw that The Architect is going to be out of town the whole week of next month's "prime time", so May would be the next chance….but we're going to Cabo in June, so then I was thinking, maybe we'll just wait until after Cabo, so that I can enjoy fruity cocktails by the beach.

The last two weeks I have been 150% convinced that there was NO way I could have gotten pregnant with all of the things going on with me and our timing.  It is a miracle that anyone gets pregnant to begin with, so with all of those factors counting against me, combined with my friends struggling to get pregnant, I just knew it hadn't happened, and that was ok.

So, the last two weeks I have been enjoying my morning coffee every day and a glass or two of wine while cooking and eating dinner.

Yesterday morning, I woke up and figured I would start at some point that day, but all of a sudden I got really worried about the fact that I have been drinking and I don't know 100% sure that I'm not pregnant, so I went into our bathroom and took a cheapy dollar store test.  I sat there looking at it, and I could have sworn I saw a faint line.  I thought "no no no no no!" because the first thing that went through my mind was the glasses of wine with dinner!  I started to really stress out, I walked out into the kitchen and asked my hubby if he was about to hop in the shower.  He said yes, so I said to watch E, and I needed to run to Tom Thumb.  He could tell I was stressing out about something and said "of course - just ask!"  And then he asked why.  I told him that I needed to buy a pregnancy test and he immediately lit up and got super giddy.  He said "Seriously!?!?" in a really excited tone, and then looked at E and said "Mama has a Baby Hop in her belly!".  It was really cute!  And his reaction diffused all of my stress and my excitement started building.  I told him that I took a test a minute ago and I think there is a faint line, so I want to get a digital test to make sure.

So I went to Tom Thumb and walking in, my excitement was getting so high, that I was afraid I was going to be crushed if this test had been negative.  I bought the Clear Blue digital test that also gives you a weeks predictor.

When I got home, I was able to pee a little more, to get enough to test and not have to wait to drink more water and WAIT.  I took that test and The Architect was looking over my shoulder the whole time asking about last time we had done this, and if he had read the test last time.  I reminded him no, I read it because he didn't have his glasses on and couldn't see.  So he ran off to get his glasses and told me that HE wanted to read the test this time.  So I dipped the stick for exactly 20 seconds (I timed it on my phone!), and then he guarded it, making sure that he was going to see the results first.

Pregnant!

We are both SHOCKED!  And SUPER HAPPY, OVER THE MOON EXCITED, but still shocked.  We both think it will take a few days to sink in!

I looked at Little E later that day, pointed to my belly and said "what's in there??" and she said "a baby!"  Queue me melting all over out living room floor!!!

The Architect doesn't want to tell anyone yet, but I do.  So I am going to tell a very select few friends.  I want to share the joy with people and be able to talk about it!  This is the last time that I will go through this experience and I want to live it out to the fullest!  Pregnancy is such a beautiful time that goes by SO fast, and I want to maximize the fun and beauty by sharing every day of it with certain people!  We won't make it public until after we hear it's heartbeat at 12 weeks.

I had a dental appointment at 1pm yesterday for my regular cleaning, so The Architect came home to watch E, and since he is gone the rest of the week, he took the rest of the day off.  When he walked in the house, he had a gorgeous bouquet of pink roses for me!

Late last night, before getting ready for bed, we took a last minute, quick first belly picture.